This week I've spoken to BBC Radio and the News Movement all about the 'Let Them' theory. So, what is it, and why is it making such a splash? And most importantly, how can it help us to become happier and more confident?
(To hear what I had to say on BBC Radio you can access the file here on Soundcloud. Or if you check out the video on the News Movement, you'll find me commenting about halfway through the video - enjoy!)
What is the 'Let Them' theory?
The idea of 'Let Them' comes from a podcast that was posted by Mel Robbins, an American author and broadcaster. It's based on the premise that we all spend a huge amount of energy trying to get other people to do what we want, or worrying about what other people think of us. Mel offers a simple answer, directed at the other people in our life. She suggests that we simply 'Let Them'. We let them do and say and think whatever they are going to do or say or think. And in the process, we liberate ourselves. So when we decide to 'Let Them', it's all about actively choosing to not let things bother us.
So many of us are weighed down by fears and worries about what other people will think, how other people will respond to our behaviour. This can leave us feeling angry, frustrated, embarrassed, scared. But the truth is that we are simply not responsible for other people's responses, and we don't have any control over them.
Sounds interesting, doesn't it? Imagine what it would be like to go through each day without worrying about what other people think of you. Simply tuning into how you feel, and acting accordingly. This concept helps us to think about making choices based on what we need and what we deserve. Without being drawn in to being a victim, or rescuing others.
So why is it so hard to just 'Let Them'?
From the moment we are born, we learn who we are based on the responses that we get from other people. And we develop behaviours that are designed to elicit the praise and attention of other people. If we want to just ‘let them’ then it feels like we are breaking the habit of a lifetime.
Some first steps towards 'Let Them'
So perhaps it's worth starting off with some simple steps to understand why other people's actions, opinions and judgements weigh so heavily on us. Be curious about your own behaviour. Ask yourself:
What traps or patterns do I often fall into?
What triggers stress or worries or negative thought patterns? Maybe it’s particular situations or particular people.
What boundaries do I have in place to protect myself?
How do I speak to myself, and does this need to change in some way?
Keen to explore more?
I love working with people to help them to understand themselves and why they feel the way that they do. If you’d like to learn more, please get in touch. Click here to contact me or click here to book a free 30-minute introductory chat.
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