When dating websites and apps arrived on the scene, they were afforded a warm welcome. Being able to search online for the perfect match felt like a breath of fresh air. As if it would give us some control and power, in a landscape that felt random and difficult. But as dating apps have become increasingly mainstream and commonplace, we are noticing some unexpected consequences. The constant urge to swipe, choose and judge can leave us feeling dissatisfied in our search for a relationship. Our human interactions become reduced to a click and a scroll. It can be hard to focus on what's in front of us, as there's the sense that someone else, someone more perfect, might be just across the horizon. This can leave us feeling stressed, anxious, and burnt out. To hear more on what I had to say, check out this video that I appeared in for the The Sun website.
So what's the best way to cope with dating app burnout?
Slow down and set boundaries. If you notice that the scroll becomes addictive, consider setting limits on how long you spend on dating apps, and how many people that you're speaking to at any one time.
Nurture your real world connections. Remember that if we look outwards and upwards, we might find romance too. And even if this isn't on the cards, remember to nurture all of your real world connections. Friends, family, colleagues, neighbours, passers by. The endless scroll of online dating can leave us feeling somehow dehumanised, so taking time to interact in the real world can really boost our mood.
Keep an eye on your general wellbeing. If everything is ticking along nicely, then we are likely to be able to cope with the ups and downs of dating. But if we are feeling anxious or stressed in our everyday lives, then dating apps can feel like another burden, tipping us over into burnout. And when this happens, we can end up feeling exhausted, and it can have a detrimental impact on our self-esteem.
Assess what you're looking for. If we are single, then being 'on the apps' can feel like a default position. Almost another part of everyday life. But being 'on the apps' is an active choice, and it might not always meet our needs. Consider what's driving your behaviour, and assess whether the dating apps are likely to deliver what you need right now.
Keen to explore more? In counselling we can take a deeper look at how you feel about yourself. Click here to contact me, or click here to book a 30-minute introductory call.
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