Are you an approval addict? I spoke to The Sun all about people-pleasing and approval-seeking. Click here to read the full article. To a certain extent, we are all people-pleasers. You could even say that I'm doing it right now, posting content, seeking out the likes, comments and shares that we have learnt to crave.
🔸 It’s a natural instinct to seek the approval of others. There’s safety in numbers.
🔸 This starts from the moment we are born. Babies and children exhibit ‘attachment’ behaviours to elicit the praise and affection of caregivers.
Surely it's a good thing to want to please other people?
But there is a hidden downside ...
🔸 People-pleasing can leave us stuck in a never-ending cycle of making other people happy. Hooked into the addictive pull of seeking validation and approval.
🔸 Lack of self-care, neglecting our own needs to put everyone else first. Leaving us stressed, overwhelmed or exhausted.
🔸 Struggling to make independent decisions, feeling powerless or voiceless.
🔸 Constantly apologising or seeking reassurance.
🔸 And if we fail to elicit the validation of others, it might leave us feeling anxious or frightened or depressed or isolated, or stuck in unhealthy relationships.
How can challenge our people-pleasing instincts?
🔹 Challenge yourself to make small changes, to try putting yourself first in 'low stakes' situations.
🔹 Tackle the root. In therapy we look at the thoughts, feelings and past experiences that underpin our behaviour.
🔹 Understanding our inner critic. As we go about our everyday lives, many of us are accompanied by the voice of our inner critic. But if we ignore it, it doesn’t disappear. So it can be more helpful to try to understand its role. Perhaps it’s protecting us from a fear of embarrassment or failure or being out of control. If we understand this, then we can reframe our internal dialogue, and speak to ourselves as a friend or a cheerleader instead.
🔹 Review your relationships. If we want to build our own self-acceptance, it helps if our friendships leave us feeling energised and content. This isn’t about culling friendships. It’s about developing emotional boundaries so that we can protect ourselves from encounters that leave us feeling negative.
🔹 Digital detox. For many of us, the mindless scroll leaves us feeling more anxious or self-critical than when we started. If this is the case for you, then try reducing your screen-time or your use of social media.
Keen to explore more? In counselling we can take a deeper look at how you feel about yourself. Click here to contact me, or click here to book a 30-minute introductory call.
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